The beauty of submission and love made possible in Christ

It is relatively easy to preach and sing about the pre-eminence of Jesus Christ. It is another thing entirely to live under Christ’s lordship when two sinners share a home, a bed, a bank account, disagreements and expectations.

That is why Paul’s teaching on marriage in Colossians 3:18–19 is so important:

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

Paul is showing us what the pre-eminence of Christ looks like in the home.

For the wife, submission is not a statement of inferiority. Husband and wife are equally created in God’s image, yet God designed them with complementary roles. Sin corrupted those roles, producing resistance and control in the wife and domination and harshness in the husband.

But Christ changes everything.

The Christian wife has died with Christ and has been raised to new life. She is no longer enslaved to the sinful desire for control. She is free to trust the wisdom and goodness of God’s design and willingly place herself under her husband’s leadership—except where following her husband would require disobedience to Christ.

And there is something beautiful about such submission.

It says, “I trust my Creator. I believe his design is good. I believe that living according to his wisdom is better than living according to my own desires.” Her submission is not weakness. It is an expression of faith, love and Christ-like humility. As she submits in the Lord, the beauty of Christ’s own humble obedience shines through her.

The husband, meanwhile, is commanded to love his wife. Biblical headship is not domination.

Headship accepts responsibility; domination demands control.
Headship serves; domination uses.
Headship sacrifices; domination exploits.

The Christian husband is called to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). His question is not, “How much authority do I have?” but, “How can I sacrificially love and serve the woman God has entrusted to me?”

And there is beauty in this love too.

A husband’s sacrificial love displays the love of Christ—the eternal Son who became a servant, the King who washed his disciples’ feet, and the Saviour who gave himself for his bride. As a husband loves his wife in this way, something of the beauty of Jesus becomes visible.

So what does a God-glorifying marriage look like?

It is not two perfect people. It is two redeemed sinners being transformed by Christ.

The wife asks, “Is Christ pre-eminent in me?”

The husband asks, “Is Christ pre-eminent in me?”

And as submission and sacrificial love increasingly mark their marriage, the beauty of Christ is put on display.